I Wish You Good Fortune
A note before you read: to protect her privacy, I’ve intentionally left out some personal details and changed her name. She went by an English name rather than her real one, and Helen isn’t that name either.
I actually don’t remember the first time I met Helen, but I remember that we had a class together during the first semester of my freshman year of college, and I had a good time hanging out with her. We had a couple of study sessions at the library and kept in touch. I got her personal email so I could send her some of the study guides for the exams and tests in the class we had together. After the semester ended in December, she went back to Korea for the holidays, and we kept in touch over email. She came back for the spring semester, and even though we didn’t have any classes together, we kept hanging out and stayed in touch regularly. That’s how it went through the rest of freshman year and into sophomore year: she’d usually go home to Korea for the breaks and come back each semester.
Early in the second semester of my sophomore year, in January, she told me something along the lines of her family having gotten visas to another country. I assumed she was going with them, so I wrote that I wished her well in all her future endeavors :) I’m laughing, because who still uses the phrase “future endeavors”? She responded that she was not going with them, that she was on her way back from Korea, and that I would see her soon. A couple of days into the semester I still hadn’t heard from her, so I reached out by email, and she told me she was dealing with a serious personal matter. I kept encouraging her and praying for her. A couple of weeks later, in February, she reached out and let me know she was doing better. That was the last message I got from her. I kept messaging for months with no reply, and her phone number wasn’t going through. We didn’t have any mutual friends, and I didn’t know her real name, just Helen, the name she went by. After months of reaching out with no response, I stopped. My last message was on her birthday.
Fast-forward nine years. I was going through some old emails to clear out my mailbox, and I stumbled upon all these emails and messages. Armed with my technical skills and AI, I began searching the internet for anything, even going back to my college emails and classes, to see if I could find something. Mind you, I didn’t know her real name, just the English name she went by. After a day of unsuccessful searching, Claude suggested I send an email and see what came back. I crafted an email and sent it, and the next morning I got a response from her. To say I was elated is an understatement. She caught me up on what she had been up to and what she’s doing now, and said she would love to catch up properly. She also searched for me on IG, followed me, and liked a couple of my photos and reels.
From then on, IG was our main way of communicating. We were able to catch up on each other’s lives in more detail and on what we had done over the years. I, for one, had the mindset that God had given me a second chance at this friendship, which I wanted more out of, and that I had to do everything in my power to keep it, since I had lost it the first time and didn’t want that to happen again. I kind of had some regret for not being direct with her before. I told myself I had to be intentional, since she was in Korea and I was in the US, and I didn’t want the reason things didn’t work out to be that I hadn’t tried my best. During one of our conversations, she asked me if I was seeing anyone. I said no, and it was the same for her. So I decided to let her know genuinely how I felt, and in the first week of our rekindled friendship I told her I was interested in getting to know her as more than just a friend, if she was open to it. She loved the message.
Over the following weeks we exchanged messages. With her in Korea, there was a 13-hour time difference between us, but we made it work. In one exchange, she told me she had gone on a date. I thought, “OK, that doesn’t change anything for me.” I was even flirtier on numerous occasions, letting her know that if I were in Korea, I would take her on a date or get her to try Nigerian food. At one point, she let me know she would be coming to the US in the summer and that it would be good for us to catch up. I really enjoyed and looked forward to our conversations. I even started daydreaming about a relationship and the possibility of visiting Korea. I wanted her to know I was serious about her.
One day I sent her a message to check in on her and see how her week was going, and I got no response. I was anxious, because I had come to look forward to our conversations. After a couple of days, I checked my followers list and saw that she had unfollowed me and hadn’t responded. I tried rationalizing it, but deep down I knew it was over. The thought that I have one life and might never see her or have her in it again was painful, but it was my reality. One of the pictures I had in my head that helped me through was the one of John Cena’s last match against Gunther, when he was in a sleeper hold and he just smiled before tapping out.
To me, it represented having a peaceful goodbye with someone I genuinely cared about, knowing that in the time I had, I gave everything I had. It was still a big emotional blow that I didn’t see coming. It did hurt, and the next day was a low one for me, but I had to pick myself up, get back on my feet, and get back to my life. That same week I also got some unfortunate news at work (I still have a job, though), and there was a lot going on.
I’m writing this as a way to show a different side of myself and to be vulnerable, but also as an appreciation of her. I’m in no way looking for her to read this, and I don’t think she ever will. Like I said above, the part where our paths crossed is over, and mentally I’ve gotten to a place where I’m at peace with that, even just a month later, though my body is still taking time to get there. I also haven’t been on Instagram since the day I found out. After the unfollow, I sat down and reevaluated my life and have made positive changes: a whole different mindset and approach to life. I have compassion for her and respect her decision. I’m sure she has her own side of the story. I don’t need to know the reason, and I don’t need closure. I’m very grateful that our paths crossed twice and that she’s doing well. One of the things I liked most about her was her kind heart. I’ve learned a lot from her about life and perseverance, not just from this experience but from how she has had to handle difficult things, and she also motivated me to pick up a new skill. With my whole heart, I’m grateful and rooting for her to be the best version of herself and to accomplish all she is meant for. I appreciate her, in this life and the next, and I wish her all the best. Thank you.
#JohnCena #GameOfThrones #GoodFortune #FutureEndeavors #SecondChances #Gratitude
Image source: r/photoshopbattles — “PsBattle: John Cena during his final match”